Category: Pop Culture

Trendy werewolf stuff for trendy werewolf people.

Genuine job opportunity for werewolves living in the UK

"Chuy the Wolfman" by Laure Leber

“Chuy the Wolfman” by Laure Leber



If you’re a werewolf (or just look like one), Britain’s Got Talent finalists The Circus of Horrors might want to have you sit for a job interview. As reported by The Telegraph, Circus of Horrors has posted not one but two ads for a position on the UK’s Directgov job site. Both ads specify that all applicants

…must be genuine, people with beards or wearing masks will not be accepted, although a woman with a beard may be considered under a different job opportunities…

Simply having hypertrichosis won’t qualify you, though – you’ve got to have

a minimum of 60,000 hairs growing on [your] face & linking up with the hairline, hair on the head is not included in this specification.

All applicants must “have Circus skills to a high standard”, and (this is my favourite part), the successful applicant’s duties will include “all aspects of working as a wolf person”. Think you fit the bill? Apply now!

SRA discontinuing Extended Registration Certificates and ID Cards

Sometimes I bite off more than I can chew, and running the Supernatural Registration Authority is definitely a bone too tough to gnaw through on my own. That’s why I’m discontinuing the part of the SRA that involves me having to physically make and ship things. If you’d like to receive in the mail a certificate or a photo ID card proclaiming your status as a registered werewolf (or one of several dozen other non-human entities), you have until Sunday night to place your order.

The SRA will continue to exist, and I’m going to create a self-service option for people who want to register and then print out their own detailed certificate (the one I mail people, not the free one everyone gets). The current set-up just takes too much time to maintain – time I’d rather spend finding things to post here on Werewolf News.

Werewolf News readers can use promo code STFUVAMPIRES to get 15% off, because you guys and gals are awesome.

Watch me watch 1941’s “The Wolf Man” for the 1st time on the next full moon

Regardless of the damage this may do to my credibility as “the Werewolf News guy”, I can’t keep this inside any longer: I have never seen the 1941 classic werewolf movie “The Wolf Man“. Ever. Not even 30 seconds of it. I’m sorry.

This is an egregious failing on my part, and I have no excuse, other than a distaste for the “classic wolf man” aesthetic (I just can’t abide that DA haircut). As a matter of fact, if it weren’t for Craig J. Clark’s outstanding Full Moon Features series here on Werewolf News, my knowledge of werewolf movies prior to the 1980s would be non-existant. I hope you can forgive me for this failing. If you can still tolerate my uneducated words, please read on to learn how I intend to rectify the situation.

The next full moon falls on Wednesday November 28th. On that day, at 6 PM Pacific / 9 PM Eastern, I invite you to watch The Wolf Man with me in real time.

Synchtube is the venue, and in addition to my participation in the built-in chatroom, I will be live-tweeting my comments and reactions. By making my education on that auspicious Werewolf Wednesday a public event, I hope to regain the trust and respect of the several half-dozens of people who are horrified at this gap in my lycanthropic experience. Join me, won’t you?


Hilarious Twilight “New Moon” Wolfpack Auditions by The 1491s

I discovered this wonderful sketch from The 1491s via a tweet by Kate Beaton this morning. It’s from way back in 2009 (from the dark days when people cared about Twilight), but I laughed and cringed all the same. In fact, I reveled in the unassailable correctness of Native Americans skewering the faux-tribal stupidity of the Twilight “werewolves”. If you don’t crack a smile at the scenes of these guys (including a nebbish who looks no more native than Taylor Lautner) pretending to turn into werewolves, please just go ahead and add Werewolf News to your hosts file.

The 1491s are a comedy group “based in the wooded ghettos of Minnesota and buffalo grass of Oklahoma. They are a gaggle of Indians chock full of cynicism and splashed with a good dose of indigeneous satire.” You can check out more of their work at 1491s.com.

The video for “She Wolf (Falling to Pieces)” gives me goosebumps

I’m not normally a fan of the “just a big wolf” werewolf, but the woman in this video for David Guetta’s She Wolf (Falling to Pieces) gets a lifetime pass because she’s apparently some kind of sorcerer, not just a werewolf, and one of her powers makes people and landscapes explode into spiky pixel-flakes.

The song’s great, too! It’s available as a digital download from Amazon and iTunes.

Cash 4 Silver Bullets: Just one silver bullet can save a life

I’m in the office while every other Canadian is sleeping off a turkey binge. The desperate pleas, frantic cries, werewolf snarls and random gunfire in this video by sketch comedy group (posse?) Dumbshit Mountain are exactly what I need to keep a smile on my face this morning.

Birmingham Overnight Werewolf Hunting

London-based event company Chillsauce has announced Birmingham Overnight Werewolf Hunting, a new experience package that may interest Werewolf News readers in the UK… particularly those with a penchant for paintball guns and falling down in the dark.

For £149 per person, you and seven (or more) friends can spend six hours living out your “werewolf attack nightmares” in the woods outside Droitwich, Worcestershire. Werewolf News reader Yang kindly emailed me a link to a PR Newswire release explaining what, exactly, participants are getting themselves into:

This potentially life-changing night requires a minimum group size of 8 people, arriving for 8pm and then continuing until dawn. Hunters will be prepared with safety training, kitted out with werewolf repellent clothing, undergo a crash course in basic military training and receive a briefing on weapons training. Before the hunters begin, they will set up preventative trip wires and explosive booby traps around the camp to protect against the imminent attack.

Hunters will then embark on their werewolf hunting mission almost physically shaking with fear in the knowledge that at some point in the night their fortified group position will be attacked by these beasts. The aim is to hold off the threat and secure the silver bullets to defeat the werewolves. The session will run through the night and end at approximately 2:00am. Military style accommodation with bunks is available where they can rest until the safe light of day.

Chillsauce can stock your bunk with £10 Stag Packs, so you and your pals can drink lager and eat “assorted snacks” until your fiancée picks you up at dawn and takes you home for a shower, a nap, and brunch with her parents at 11.

I think this is a bad idea, and not because I like to play “werewolf rights advocate” on Twitter. Chillsauce runs a lot of events, many of which involve wearing tactical pants, holding a paintball gun and looking forward to beer, so I’m sure they have the event logistics well in hand. They wouldn’t be able to afford that nice web site and that London office if they didn’t know what they were doing. The problem lies with the “werewolves”.

It’s hard enough to make a werewolf look realistic and properly threatening in a five-second movie FX shot! An in-person encounter, regardless of lighting conditions and adrenaline jitters, is going to be much harder to pull off with any realism, let alone the realism people are going to expect when they’ve chipped in for a $2,000 USD “experience”. Two dudes in costume shop masks probably aren’t going to cut it, but anything more elaborate than that is just going to get trashed by tree branches and whatever acrobatics are necessary while breaching a perimeter.

Chillsauce might be better off re-purposing their extra paintball guns and paramilitary trainers into a zombie-themed event, like this one. Zombie makeup is easier to “do” than werewolf makeup, and will actually look better the more its wearer mangles it while crashing through bushes in the dark. Plus, zombies tend to attack in groups and waves, which sounds like it would be a lot more fun to defend against than one or two focussed werewolf onslaughts.

As usual, I’m probably overthinking this, but when it comes to werewolf stuff, that’s… kind of my deal!

86 sheep found slaughtered in France – Facebook cryptozoology group says it’s werewolves

Reader Nyetwerke shares this short article from France’s The Local: Town hunts werewolves after sheep attacks.

A flock of ewes were found dead by their owners, savagely killed and often with their throats cut, in the town of Les Mauges, near Nantes. Locals speculated a wild dog or a wolf may be to blame.

I’m thinking the locals are probably correct, but a sizeable Facebook group called Sauvons les loups garous français (“Save the French werewolves”) – created by Adrien Collineau and Martin Crépon – says the deaths are the result of werewolves who have “returned” to France, and that need to be saved. My French is terrible so I can’t tell exactly what’s going on there, but the images and videos posted to the group and its sister site all have a do-it-yourself aesthetic that makes me wonder if Adrien and Martin are serious, if they’re having fun… or if they’re trying to distract people from all the lambchops they’re selling out the back door.

HOWL Con 2012, the PDX-based werewolf convention my mom won’t let me attend

Werewolf News readers know I get excited about things easily, but I didn’t want to say anything about HOWL Con until I’d done a little research. I love the idea of getting together with other werewolf fans in a convention setting where the most pressing question on my mind is “when should I get in line for the werewolf makeup booth?”, not “when was that fursuit last dry-cleaned?”. My first chance to live that dream disappeared earlier this year when WerewolfCon imploded under the weight of poor marketing and worse management, so I was a little standoffish when Twitter user @howlcon2012pdx followed me last week.  Now that I’ve had a phone conversation with its organizer and done a little homework, I’m happy to report that HOWL Con seems to have its stuff together.

First, the facts: HOWL Con happens Friday October 12th through Sunday the 14th at the Monarch Hotel & Conference Center in Portland, Oregon. Yes, that’s this October. Saturday passes are $20, Sunday is $15, or get both days covered for $30. Friday seems to be an evening-only meet and greet, which costs $5 (or free for weekend pass-holders). Pricing is the same whether you register in advance or purchase at the door, although groups of eight or more can email admin@howlcon.com to arrange a discounted group rate. Once you’re in, here’s what you can expect:

Meet Rhiannon Held, author of Silver and the forthcoming Tarnished, representatives from the Wolf Haven International wolf sanctuary, fiction & role-playing game author/editor Satyros Phil Brucato, shamanic author & artist Lupa, medievalist Rev. Dr. Phillip Bernhardt-House (“the man with a Ph.D. in Celtic werewolves”), and other lycanthropic luminaries.

Programming will cover werewolves in legend, fiction, the media, and the culture at large. We will also be exploring the lives and minds of wolves, real-live canis lupus–that’s right, you run a high risk of both having fun and learning something. Activities will include:

  • panels & presentations by writers, artists, folklorists, scientists, and others with expertise & passion to share,
  • entertainment including live music, dancing, short films, and dramatic storytelling,
  • dealers, an art show, gaming, a costumed Werewolf Wild Hunt, and more!

So what makes HOWL Con likely to succeed where its predecessor failed? Organizer Stephen Couchman was kind enough to take my phone call and set my mind at ease. Here’s what I learned.

  • Experienced organizer. Stephen is a Portland-area resident with experience organizing conventions – he’s run steampunk convention GEAR Con for two years now, and its success is promising – he has plans to move 2013’s event to a much larger venue.
  • Financially sound. HOWL Con isn’t selling sponsorships because it doesn’t need to. WerewolfCon needed to sell thousands of dollars of sponsorships in order to get off the ground, which is one of the reasons it failed, but HOWL Con is already a done deal. It’s “happening for sure”, Stephen said. There are even plans to donate some of the proceeds to area wolf sanctuaries.
  • Culturally inclusive. I think its itinerary is a little lacking in the horror / monster department, but it’s not totally buried in the hippy-dippy “cuddlewolf” zone, either. Stephen says this year’s con is “year zero” – planting seeds that will grow into future participation from increasingly diverse panels, vendors and performers. Sounds like something the SRA might get involved in.

Overall, this sounds like something I’d definitely attend – it’s a small investment, it’s relatively close to me, and the guy running it has experience doing conventions. Unfortunately, it happens to be scheduled right in the middle of my parents’ yearly visit from Halifax. I’d consider bringing them along, but my folks are such gentle souls that HOWL Con might as well be a Gwar concert. For that reason alone, I’m sitting this convention out, but I’ll be watching its development with interest, and I hope to be a part of it next year.

Ebay bans “Werewolf Potion” sales, disappointing nobody

photo via snarkattack

As reported by TechCrunch and Slate, perpetual Internet garage sale Ebay will discontinue the Spells & Potions category as part of its 2012 Fall Seller Update. Starting today, no new auctions are permitted in that category (among others), effectively ending the Internet’s trade in little vials of essential oils and food colouring. Among the ersatz conjurations you won’t be able to purchase anymore are potions and incantations promising a real-life (for real and true!) case of lycanthropy, like this one for POWERFUL MAGIC SPELL OF WEREWOLF TRANSFORMATION lycan shapeshift vampire haunted. What a shame.

When asked by Slate to explain its decision, the Ebay PR robot dispensed this non-judgemental pellet:

We want customers to have great experiences on eBay, and we regularly review categories and update policies to deliver the best shopping and selling experience possible. Based on our long-standing policy restricting the sale of intangible items on eBay, we are discontinuing a small number of categories within the Metaphysical category, as transactions in these categories can be difficult to verify and resolve. We believe this update will enhance the experience on eBay and benefit our customers.

Let me summarize that for you: “We’re tired of mediating arguments between snake oil peddlars and fools who have just been parted from their money.”

As someone who has opinions about deliberate charlatanism (and who is open about the unreality of his own “paranormal” wares), I think this is a great move by a company I don’t normally like. Not everyone agrees, though – especially those Ebay sellers who are now scrambling for ways to monetize a guest bedroom full of eyedropper bottles and laser-printed labels. A petition urging Ebay to retract the ban has popped up in the Human Rights (!?) section of GoPetition. I’m not sure how many signatures it’s got, but the number’s probably pretty small, since the “sign petition” button buried at the bottom of a whargarbl stack containing sentences like this:

I am saddened and deeply concerned that eBay’s new policy may appear to some as a form of religious or ideological discrimination against occult and esoteric metaphysical beliefs.

I too am saddened that some people might interpret Ebay’s policy of minimizing bullshit as “religious or ideological discrimination”. I would totally drink a potion to become a werewolf, and I’m not positing or discounting the existence of any particular metaphysical or supernatural phenomenon, but if such things are real, they’re not likely to be forces you can bottle up and sell on Ebay for $25 plus shipping.