The Squishable Werewolf has been in the works since 2012, and now he’s available for purchase – but maybe not for very much longer! The “Number Left” meter on the $42, 15-inch cuddly lycanthropic is currently at “not many!”, so if you want one, you better act fast. Thanks to reader Dawn Garlick for notifying me (with a photo and micro-review) more quickly than Squishable’s own email notice!
Category: Gaming & Collectibles
Stuff to fill your shelves and entertainment unit with.
The Squishable Werewolf can now be yours
The Five Stupidest Werewolf Action Figures Ever
“He picked a damn lonely place to live, didn’t he?” Police Sergeant Jack McBain finished the last of his coffee – straight black – and tossed the paper cup out the squad car window. He cursed as the vehicle bumped down the stony rural road. “Not exactly the brownstone district. The crazy bastard.”
Major Andrew Quinton, steering with two fingers, was composed on the outskirts of this quiet Montana town just as he was when busting through Manhattan gridlock or weaving through the Lincoln Tunnel. “Can it, McBain.”
A small, halfway-camouflaged house came into view. It was colored with brown and green tones like the earth and the forest around it.
McBain snorted laughter. “Where the hell does this guy live anyway?”
Quinton himself had almost missed the house, but he felt as calm and observant in nature as he did taking the path train and navigating puke-scented concrete terminals. “If you upstate boys learned to pull your heads out of your own asses, maybe you’d see what’s hidden in front of you. Stay in the car.”
McBain’s eyes widened – now he saw the house. “Shit, how do you know he lives here?”
Quinton cut the engine and got out of the car. The subtle breeze tossed his loose tie, and the morning sun glinted off his aviator glasses. “Because I know Roukas.”
A lone figure stood in the shallows of the river, fishing. He casted his fly rod and line forward and backward, methodical as a Tai Chi master, easeful as a Japanese monk using an ink brush to write haiku upon a worn palimpsest. Without turning, he spoke. “Caught up with me at last. Looks like your satellites are useful for something.”
Quinton stood on dry ground not far away. “It’s been a long time, Roukas.”
“Maybe not long enough.”
A whippoorwill coo’d somewhere in the swaying evergreens. It made the silence poignant, earning itself a paragraph of its own.
Quinton swiped off his aviators as quick as he had opened his switchblade when Chico had blown his cover during the sting op of the Corazón gang. “Damn it, Roukas, the force wants you writing for Werewolf News again, but you’ve got to pull it together!”
Roukas shook his head sullenly, the shadow of a nearby tree halfway hiding his face in a mysterious duality. “Reminds me too much of ‘Nam.”
“Damn it, Roukas, you were never in ‘Nam. You’re thinking of the conflict and hardship that arose when you conned me into uploading that feature of yours that had less to do with actual werewolf news than it had to do with Mohammed and his cute sidekick Explodey the Bomb. Since then, I’ve been fighting off angry political bullshit as if I was Roberto Luongo back on Vancouver ice. And then there was the time you went to the secret library basement of Eton where you did research and exposed the fact that the true origin of vampires lies in the ancient Sumerian game of penisball. Vampires United Inc. hacked my site and did a Carrie prom-scene reenactment on it. Took me a week to make the interweb netcode something less than fubar. And then there was the time…”
Roukas raised a hand calmly like a true boss. “I get it. I understand.”
“Roukas, the fact is that sometimes in order to fight monsters, we have to become monsters ourselves. You’re good at that. Maybe too good. But in these mind-splittingly retarded times we live in, ‘too good’ is what we need. There’s a lot of stupid in the world, and it needs to be more than exposed – just like cockroaches or shady politicians. It needs to be mocked and degraded, slammed hard, verbal’d, PWN3D boss-style.” Quinton put his aviators on again – put them on slowly and casually, looking so much like a bad-ass grizzled veteran that this music started playing. “There comes a time when a man’s gotta’ stop running and face what he is. When a man’s gotta’ stand strong and not go afk like a little bitch for once. I offer you that chance.”
The wind swayed the branches overhead, and the shadow departed from Roukas’s brow. He faced the shore of the river and walked, emerging from the waters as if newly baptized. He felt reborn, cleansed, raised out of the horseshit of the world, hosed-down and clean of it all, purified, Videl Sassoon’d the hell up, and Old Spice’d to the max. “What’s the job?”
#5. Oz the Werewolf, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
A good werewolf figurine should meet two basic requirements: it should be ferocious and bad-ass, and it should show the werewolf as misunderstood and conflictedly bad-ass, thus creating an infinitely looping synergy of bad-ass. This figure does not attain that synergy. It’s marketed as a werewolf, but the designers could have pulled a brilliant marketing tactic by labeling it exactly what it appears to be: Jihadist Seth Green, complete with vacant stare, scraggly beard, and Durkastanian scowl. This could be more frightening than werewolves and vampires combined. I figure that if I had to fight a werewolf, I’d at least stand a decent chance of slapping on a guillotine choke while being only half-mauled. And if I had to fight a vampire, well, let’s just say that I know my way around a little place called Castlevania, and I know that shouting “HYDRO-STORM!” is all the quasi-Catholicism I need to beat their pale asses. Weirdly enough, that works far better than screaming things like “The power of Christ compels thee!” That’s because “HYDRO-STORM!” is a reference to that part in the Bible where Jesus and the disciples unite their house-sized robotic cats to form Armored Zeitgeist Seraphim Leozord X before facing Satan in the final desert-level. Regardless, if I had to fight the Durkastan version of Seth Green, and if I wasn’t able to quickly hide behind Captain America’s shield or Michael Moore’s fatness, then I’ll say that I’d karmically learn why I shouldn’t have lobbed M80s at anthills when I was a kid.
Anyway, the reason why this figure sucks is because it’s simply not a werewolf. I determined this by employing the following esoteric lycanthropic knowledge: slapping a beard and pointy ears on a person makes them a werewolf just as much as slapping Fig Newton decals on your car makes you a NASCAR driver. You may have seen this sort of phenomenon happen to meatheads in the mall who buy TapOut and Affliction clothing and suddenly think they’re UFC fighters. Or maybe you’ve seen it happen to hipsters who think that uploading political commentary onto their Facebook pages is equivalent to blogging, and that blogging is an art form equivalent to the novel. Or maybe you’ve seen it happen in the example of upper middle class raver kids who rev their souped-up Volkswagens, roar out of the parking lot, and then fart down the slow lane on the interstate. Back in the day, TLC would describe these kinds of people as “scrubs.” Call me opinionated, but I don’t think werewolves were meant to be always talkin’ about what they want while sitting on their broke asses. Hell, we all have moments where we do that, but those aren’t the moments that should be taken and used to make unflattering action figures of ourselves. That’s why the makers of this figure should have instead showcased Seth Green in a more wolfed-out form. But in that case the figure would have zero Seth Green marketing appeal, and this point leads me to…
#4. Jacob, from Twilight: New Moon
…this crazy shit. No, they couldn’t even give Jacob a bit of pointy ear-tippage or a grinning flash of Colgate-white canine teeth. Instead, this is just a little statue of Taylor Lautner, who plays Jacob the werewolf in the Twilight movies. What the hell does it matter if you make a werewolf figurine of a person who shows no signs of being a werewolf? At least the makers of the Oz figurine kinda-sorta lifted their little fingers to make him look kinda-sorta beastly. But selling this Jacob figurine is like Mattel selling an action figure of a businessman, but charging an arm and a leg because supposedly they’re actually selling Bruce Wayne without his Batman-suit on. All of this isn’t really false advertising as much as it is deceptive advertising. Because after all Jacob is a werewolf – it’s just that he’s packaged (hur hurr) in a way so that fangirls can take home an idol of masturbatory fantasy while telling their parents: “Oh, it’s just that werewolf character from the movie! Get with it, dad, lol!”
The problem is that by this logic, you and I are both purveyors of Twilightisms when we buy something from Abercrombie & Fitch or Hollister, then continue our walk through the mall while holding our purchases in those gigantic paper bags that showcase enormous photographs of shirtless young men giving Quagmire-grins to all who pass us by. Now some people are cool with that, but when it’s unavoidable to write about Jacob in this list, or when I have to walk around the mall feeling like a peddler of beefcake porn-in-a-bag, I tend to get a little antsy. Yes, I’ve tried to turn the bag inside out, but Abercrombie & Fitch has constructed their bags with self-destruct mechanisms that rip the paper if you try to do that. Yes, I’ve tried to con myself into thinking that Jacob is just Dirk Diggler 2.0 and thus something for werewolf aficionados to dismiss with a wave of the hand, but sadly this cannot be done.
Just like black-on-black crime has tainted rap music, Jacob’s douchy studliness has tainted werewolf fandom, and frankly we just have to live with that. This is the same moment of truth that moral Republicans faced when they pulled their heads out of their asses long enough to see that their leaders are corrupt oilmen, and the same moment of truth that moral Democrats faced when they pulled their heads out of their asses long enough to see that Obama was haxoring ur pronz for teh American securities lol. Thus the overwhelming presence of Jacob within the werewolf subculture, while being exposed as being monumentally retarded, is nevertheless dishonoring enough to warrant us drawing our katanas and slicing off our topknots in dishonor. And what else can we do as the iconic and enduring lycanthrope travels in time from its glorious Ming Dynasty into its Abercrombie Dynasty? So let us devote this one moment of silence to lament the beefcake corruption that has associated itself with us all.
#3. Colonel Zol the Werewolf, from Kamen Rider
Special guest review by Benny Moto, videogame ad icon of the early 2000’s! Get ready to go kicky fast!
With its owning of so many design problems, what would this figure deserve? Benny will rip a new ass in it! Put your seatbelt buckled as I rev up the high octane, you feel the freedom of the speed and the scent of burned rubber with my cologne. It’s time to go kicky fast okay?
But first there was a necessity for the figure’s backstory: it was morning, this calm and crusty morning, dry earth’s hopelessness. The terrorist organization SHOCKER (Sacred Hegemony Of Cycle Kindred Evolutional Realm) aimed hard to take over the world through terrorist activities, but never had ever they expected one of their own bio-cyber-humanioid animal-man test subjects escaped the facility to turn against them and fight for the justice. His name is Kamen Rider …no no no you silly American, not Power Rangers. Whats up homeboy, you can not tell apart a Power Ranger from Neo Gouken X: Schoolgirl Borderworld Defenders? Wake up and smell coffee, get with a program!
But anyway, take your look at Colonel Zol, a strong werewolf colonel enemy of Kamen Rider. I think he has inspiration for Macklemore’s “Thrift Shop” song:
Whatcha know bout rockin the wolf on your nogin
Whatcha knowin about wearin a fur fox skin
The point is obvious: he fails at being the werewolf just as much as Elvis Presley failed at being truly sexually large when he put the thick rubber hose in his crotch pants before his concert. Do you know why he did that? Because to make it seem like he had a huge penis! This was a deception, just as Colonel Zol with a fail of werewolf-swag. What are you trying for us to believe, Zol? That you are a werewolf, or more like Cookie Monster’s rapist uncle? I am glad I drive my moped through Tokyo and not your Sesame Street, OH SNAP! OH SNAP CRACKLE POP! ONCE BENNY STARTS THE PARTY YOU CANT STOP THE BODY-ROCK!
By-the-way Zol, your moms frustrated she cannot find her blue tights, I know this as she lights up her cigarettes across from me like the suave “California dreamin’” hooker and asks where her leotard and tights could be. I tell her you stole them to terrorist the world. We laugh, you are only the knockoff version of Osama bin Laden. You penis is like the bud of a cherry blossom, you are a Unabomber with no bomb. You are Sodom Husaine without a WMD, “son,” your insane in the membrane and like Scarface without piles of cocaine. Benny makes it rain like Little Wayne and the girls throwing up their Hennessey in the air like they really don’t care. Isn’t that a “SHOCKER” to you? See how I learned American puns hard like Babe Ruth’s fist pounding down on the bar to order wine? How is it like to be troll-slammed free of a charge from Benny Moto? Blow me!
But I digress. Buy the Colonel Zol action figure if you need to prove your virginity to the Supreme Court. I know I sure don’t, but don’t take my words for it, ask my woman. Theres only one action figure in my house and it is Sakura. The stars allined in a portent on the internet when we met in the Sailor Moon chatroom (im a moderator). I tell her to be dressed as Sailor Moon by the time I roll my moped to the garage, revving and swinging down the kickstand like a smooth jazzman in the misty smoke and dusk. When I enter the foyer she is ready for me. Will we even make it to the bedroom? There is the mystery!
#2. Fangster, from the 80s Ghost Busters cartoon
Aside from the producers of Japanese children’s programming, what kind of people would design an action figure of a werewolf in a leotard? American cartoon animators from the 1980s, of course. Now some of you may be unfamiliar with the alternate dimension of aesthetics and politics that constituted the 80s, so to make a long story short, you are equal parts culturally deprived and fortunate to have escaped an era where this sort of madness happened on a regular basis. Just like contemporary scholars don’t know exactly how Shakespeare’s plays panned out, or what exactly the traditional Greek dramatic chorus sounded like, people today are still trying to figure out just what the fuck happened during that singular decade that produced such awesome retardedness.
In the 80s, you could always feel better about yourself by watching Madonna whore herself out to anything that walked. You could be cool with only a minimal effort, and there was actually a point at which everyone was cool by default. Movies sucked less because there were less of them, and your neighborhood was your internet. It was a simpler time, but even if you could do a perfect ollie on your skateboard while wearing Blues Brothers sunglasses, you still wouldn’t be as cool as a werewolf in a Flash Gordon leotard. Don’t ask me how this magical era worked – I’m not Ronald Reagan, and I only have vague recollections of how he Master Splinter’d the living shit out of my now-out-of-shape American homeland. What I do know is that bad-asses like Fangster could only be born out of the 80s …and only the 80s could paradoxically make such a shitty action figure out of him.
Even today, There’s a strange disconnect between the quality of a fictional character and his or her action figure incarnation. In the case of Fangster, we’ve got 2 kool 4 school lycanthrope that somehow got action-figurized by Hurk-A-Durk Inc., who made him top-heavy and gave him the ability to count to potato. Nowadays, Mattel could have upped the production value to make Fangster like this or this while simultaneously preserving his distinctive vibe which asserts that Billie Jean was not his lover; she was just a girl who claimed he was the one (but the kid was not his son). However, this was just not meant to be. But chin up – I’d rather have Fangster standing sentinel on my post-it notes than any of the previously reviewed atrocities.
#1. Dick Satisfaction: Transdimensional Werewolf Bounty-Hunter with Nipple-Grenades
Mark Twain said that truth is stranger than fiction, but he never met Dick Satisfaction. Part Bruce Willis, part Austin Powers, part Patrick Swayze from Roadhouse, and part Deadpool, Dick Satisfaction is a pipe-smoking, crime-stopping lycanthrope from the future. He can even be hired via his own website.
The increasing craziness and diversity of comic book and videogame culture has been paving the way for Dick Satisfaction, but even that wasn’t enough. Many of us are nerdcore enough to look at the progression from the Mickey Mouse Show to Adult Swim and take it all in stride. But even though our aesthetics are evolved and more tolerant of all things batshit crazy, we still don’t even have the proper scale or vocabulary to analyze Dick Satisfaction. Watching this episode of his adventures made one half of my brain howl in the throes of hilarity. However, the other half grew confused like it did when I tried to discuss eschatology with Harold Camping’s automoton-followers on the streets of San Francisco while grown men in Hello Kitty underpants walked past and tried to hit on us.
In all honesty, Dick Satisfaction almost didn’t make the list because, unlike the other werewolf figures, he was designed to be stupid. But the reason he’s here is because he has the courage to plumb the depths of pop-culture stupidity with the audacity of Lieutenant Ripley taking the elevator down to the core of an evil alien hive to rescue a little lost girl. Just how courageous does a non-combatant woman have to be to single-handedly fight the queen of a legion of aliens that had just decimated an entire unit of space marines? Answer: Courageous enough to border on stupid. Just how stupid does Dick Satisfaction have to be just to keep being Dick Satisfaction? Answer: Stupid enough to border on courageous. Therefore Dick Satisfaction earns the #1 spot my list as the Georges St. Pierre of stupid werewolf action figures. And like St. Pierre, he will probably defend his title for 300 more years.
Kickstart “Undead Apocalypse” & rule post-apocalyptic Europe
As ubiquitous life-long aspirations go, “ruling the irradiated supernatural wasteland that used to be Europe” is up there with “building a log cabin” or “publishing a novel”, but it’s also the kind of life goal that’s difficult to self-start. You can take carpentry or writing classes at your local community college, but there’s no Learning Annex course on “Instigating World War III” or “Facilitating a Transnational Nuclear Exchange”. But here’s the good news! Now you have a chance to act out a monster apocalypse with your friends and loved ones, thanks to the Kickstarter for Undead Apocalypse: War of the Damned.
Undead Apocalypse is a fast-paced, beautifully-designed board game for 2 to 4 players. Each game lasts 30 to 90 minutes and pits factions of Zombies, Vampires, Werewolves, and post-apocalyptic Humans against each other in a fight to the death (or undeath, as it were).
After World War III the people of Earth thought it couldn’t get any worse; they were wrong. The nuclear devastation was bad enough, reducing once-great cities to rubble and forcing hardy survivors to scavenge for resources. But soon—whether the result of radiation, toxins, or supernatural wrath—ancient evils long thought mere legend awoke and took hold in the real world.
Undead Apocalypse was designed by Ben Radford, a “real-life scientific paranormal investigator” who has previous game design experience with Playing Gods, and features high quality miniatures (including an aerobics-enthusiast werewolf) created by Lasha Tskhondia.
Ben and his army of designers and game experts are trying to raise $50,000, which might seem like a lot, but producing something as complicated as a boardgame is expensive. Luckily, boardgames on Kickstarter have a tendency to end up well-funded – for instance, the Machine Of Death game Kickstarter raised over 10 times as much. The minimum pledge to get a physical copy of Undead Apocalypse is $65, but you can get a print-and-play PDF version for a minimum contribution of a dollar. A dollar. I spent more on electricity to power my computer while writing this post, and I’m no closer to being werewolf monarch of post-apocalyptic Europe. Guess I better go contribute!
Werewolf rampage game “Moon Waltz” is the most fun you can have with a spacebar
Get ready to have the rest of your day murdered in the name of a cigarette and the moon. Werewolf News reader Sam (and a few other folks) have pointed me at the hilarious and gleefully gory Flash game Moon Waltz by Major Bueno. The game’s only control is your spacebar, and pressing it accomplishes just one thing: the clouds part, revealing a full moon that instantly changes your character, who’s on a late night stroll through town, into a ravening werewolf. Releasing the spacebar hides the moon, and just as quickly your character resumes his innocuous appearance. Virtually every object (and person) you pass while wolfed out gets destroyed in an amusing fashion, but the real fun comes from finding out how to mix the two modes in a pattern that will keep you from being robbed, shot or arrested. Try it out, and if you can get to the end in fewer than five tries, you’re better than I at containing your laughter.
Major Bueno is the game-makin’ name for interactive media students Benedikt Hummel and Marius Fietzek. The duo are Interactive Media students at Filmacademy Baden-Württenberg, and Moon Waltz is the May entry for the One Game a Month (#1GAM) challenge they’ve taken up for 2013. May’s optional #1GAM theme word was “grow“, and you have to respect the kind of warped creativity that would turn a word like that into a game about turning into a werewolf and killing bikers, tourists and priests. The limited amount of development time is probably the main reason the game is such a terrific little nugget of gold – the gameplay is simple but rewarding, and the art, animation and sound design are all perfectly crafted in a faux-16-bit style that would loose its goofy energy if it was polished for too long. I’d buy it in an instant if it was available in the iOS App Store or on Steam, but considering these guys are students and committed to creating seven more games this year, I’m content to bash away at my spacebar in a browser window.
Double Helix making new Killer Instinct game; Sabrewulf looks rad
I’d made up my mind to skip the Xbox One and get a PlayStation 4, but Werewolf News reader Gothic Guido has just informed me of an Xbox One launch title that might make me reconsider. Earlier this week at E3, Microsoft announced that the classic SNES / arcade fighter Killer Instinct is being revived by Double Helix Games. From the official announcement on Double Helix’s blog:
The announcement showcased three completely redesigned characters already familiar to fans of the franchise. Jago, clad in shredded tapestries and ropes that evoke his monastic background, went head to head with an all new Sabrewulf, bristling with hypodermics, but free of the cybernetic augmentation he sported in past installments. Also making an appearance was Glacius, the cold-blooded alien who can create deadly constructs of water and ice.
In an interview with Kotaku, Microsoft producer Torin Rettig described the updated Sabrewulf:
…Sabrewulf is a man and beast in constant conflict with each other. If you look at Sabrewulf, he’s got like the torn jeans and everything, but if you look at his idle animations, he’s got a twitch. He’s basically a mad scientist trying to cure himself.
And here’s some gameplay footage showing Sabrewulf wiping the floor with Jago. Listen to that sound design! I half-expected Sabrewulf’s breath to fog up my screen.
There’s been some confusion over the pricing and configuration of the game, but the latest on Shoryuken.com and MTV’s gaming blog describe a standard “buy the game, get the game” model, accompanied by what amounts to a generous, upgradable demo.
I was a Sega kid in the 90’s and I didn’t have access to arcades, so I missed the whole Killer Instinct craze, but this certainly has my attention!
Headbutt cats with a werewolf in Hackycat game for iOS
Tandye and I have been in Halifax, Nova Scotia for the past week, visiting with my parents and brother. Halifax is just about as far away from Vancouver as you can get and still be in Canada, and my primary source of entertainment during the many hours of air travel has been Hackycat for iOS. Hackycat is a score-attack style game in which you save adorable cartoon cats from exploding… by kicking and head-butting them into the air. Repeatedly.
The gameplay and animation alone is enough to qualify this as a great game, but what had me tapping like like a woodpecker at 40,000 feet was the unlockable character Ramirez, a werewolf from Madrid who wears a sweatband and kneepads, “dislikes tofu” and “doesn’t understand computers”. I mean, come on, check this guy out. With feet that big, no wonder he’s a gifted hackycat athlete.
Hackycat was designed, animated & programmed by Ken Wong, and is currently available from the App Store for 99¢. I highly recommend it!
Squishable’s werewolf prototype now exists in all three dimensions
No longer content to constrain its cuteness to a paltry two dimensions, huggable-thing-purveyors Squishable have turned their werewolf prototype (mentioned here in November) into an object that occupies physical space and (unless you’re an unfeeling robot) a place in your heart.
No production timelines or ordering details are available yet, but the Werewolf design page has an email notification box in the right-hand sidebar. Sign up, and they’ll let you know when it’s ready to buy. I’ll take two.
Kickstart historical killing-spree “Dreadline” & play a werewolf girl who collects human hearts
Last May I posted about Eerie Canal‘s game Dreadline, an action/RTS mashup in which you play one of several monsters (including a werewolf) who time travel to the scenes of historical catastrophes in order to kill all of the victims who were just going to die anyway. At the time, the game was in development and scheduled for a Q1 2013 release, which is basically now. Since I’m writing this post instead of playing the game, and given the category this post is in, you can probably guess where this is headed, but I’ll let the Eerie Canal team explain:
What was originally going to be our quick-turnaround/low-risk/easy-breezy/genre game evolved into a completely original game that is far more exciting, but also far more challenging to build. Now that we’re ready to really get down to building this thing, we’re out of cash. We have enough of it up and running to know that it’s going to be ridiculously fun, and we can’t wait to finish it.
They’re hoping to raise $167,000 on Kickstarter, which seems like a lot of money to more mortals like you and I, but consider this: Eerie Canal is two dudes who’ve worked a ton of games for giant publishers, who want to take the best of what they’ve learned and make something informed by their own (sick and twisted) sensibilities, and who really know what this sort of thing costs. From the KS page:
Dreadline is currently slated to be an English-language, single-player, PC release that will be completed around August of 2013. The plan is to have 9 playable monsters and 7 calamities. We have estimated that it will cost us $167,000 (minus the take of Kickstarter, Amazon, and our prizes) to get Dreadline out the door. It’s quite a bit less than what other game projects of this size have asked for since we’ve been self funding for over a year now.
But we would love to offer more. We want more monsters, more calamities, multiplayer monster fights, Mac port, iOS port, more languages, or anything else YOU may want. We don’t want to put up a table of new features that could be rolled out yet, because we would first like to hear from people like you.
So, the Eerie Canal guys have the experience, the creativity, the tech (they even built their own game engine, called ‘shoe_gazer’), and the will. They just need the cash! If you want to play this game as much as I do, go contribute something to their Kickstarter project. To entice you, here’s a graphic they created that shows what some of the rewards are:
Classic film werewolves enact some justice on this gory “Breaking Jacob” T-shirt from Fright Rags
Courtesy of Werewolf News reader Stuart, here’s a limited edition Fright Rags t-shirt guaranteed to please werewolf fans. The Breaking Jacob shirt features AWIL’s David Kessler, classic Wolf Man and classic Teen Wolf literally disembowling Twilight’s Jacob Black. It’s inaccurate in the sense that I’m not included in the design – despite my having been involved in Jacob’s demise – but it’s gory and oh so very right.
Wearing this shirt will help you properly calibrate your friend-zone! Here’s how:
- Put it on and go about your day.
- Anyone who reacts to it with horror and/or revulsion is not a person you need in your life. Shun them.
- Anyone who points and cheers and/or proffers a solemn high five is more than a friend – truly, they are your brother or sister.
Breaking Jacob is available from Fright Rags for $21.95, and once it sells out, it’s gone!
SRA discontinuing Extended Registration Certificates and ID Cards
Sometimes I bite off more than I can chew, and running the Supernatural Registration Authority is definitely a bone too tough to gnaw through on my own. That’s why I’m discontinuing the part of the SRA that involves me having to physically make and ship things. If you’d like to receive in the mail a certificate or a photo ID card proclaiming your status as a registered werewolf (or one of several dozen other non-human entities), you have until Sunday night to place your order.
The SRA will continue to exist, and I’m going to create a self-service option for people who want to register and then print out their own detailed certificate (the one I mail people, not the free one everyone gets). The current set-up just takes too much time to maintain – time I’d rather spend finding things to post here on Werewolf News.
Werewolf News readers can use promo code STFUVAMPIRES to get 15% off, because you guys and gals are awesome.
