Werewolf links, news, and reviews
I’ll bet you can think of nine movie werewolves lamer than Taylor Lautner’s CGI husky in New Moon. So can Movieline! I don’t agree with all of their calls (I still really like the Underworld Lycans), but from Michael Landon to Van Helsing, there are definitely some stinky screen werewolves out there. Anyone care to share their own worst werewolf (that wasn’t on the list)? Personally, I just can’t get behind the slimy pink were-boar of the original Ginger Snaps.
J!NX is selling a World of Warcraft Three Worgen Moon t-shirt, which will be hilarious to werewolf-loving, meme-knowing geeks like me, and which will only mystify the uninitiated. Ladies, is it irresistible? Hat-tip to @electricdog and @tshirtmeme.
We need to coin a new term, werewolf fans… a word that we can use to describe something that is simultaneously terrible and great. Something like Kung Pow‘s “badong“. It would take such a world to describe Rambo V: The Savage Hunt, in which Sylvester Stallone’s army-of-one takes on the escaped product of a covert genetic engineering experiement run by the US government. This experiment is a “nearly indestructible creature of incredible cunning and savagery“– a creature that looks an awful lot like a werewolf, according to this hastily-Photoshopped-but-official one-sheet. Thanks to Viergacht for the info!
So… “good-bad”… goobad?
Werewolf News reader and blogger extraordinaire Mac loves werewolves so much that she’s got spreadsheets to prove it. As someone who once used a ClarisWorks database to catalog all of my werewolf memorabilia, I cannot fault her, especially not after witnessing the product of her lycanthropic neurosis: she has compiled a micro-review of every werewolf movie she’s ever seen. The current total is 65. Here are some choice samples:
10 Dark Wolf
I honestly don’t remember much. There was a werewolf, and some sex, and some major movie fail. 1 out of 5
36 Scream of the Wolf
It’s really sad when I don’t even remember what happened in the movie. Guess I’ll have to re-watch it. ? out of 5
46 The Werewolf Reborn!
Pretty much a kid flick. Probably didn’t need to be reborn. 3 out of 5
59 Werewolf vs. Vampire Woman
This movie is known by seven different names. Unfortunately changing the name doesn’t make it any better. 1 out of 5
Check out the rest here!
Just in time for Halloween! A new werewolf toy designed by artist Missmonster and made by Patch Together is available for pre-order. The toy is 8 inches tall and has moveable arms. He also comes with a base featuring blood splatters and a bone. The price is $44. 95 and can be pre-ordered here!
So you’ve got a thing for wolves and you’ve got some Zoolander in your blood. But do you feel like the loser you are when you succumb to buying the latest nerdcore Hot Topic Worgen shirt? Do you feel like you have KICK ME, I’M A FUR-FAG written on your forehead when you rock your shitty “Team Jacob” Twilight-themed pawprint shirt around the mall foodcourt or local combat-breakdancing arena? Fear not – Roukas is here to help with this quick guide to some of the most unique, eye-catching lupine apparel out there. My only caveat is that you should do your own ebay checking in addition to the shirts featured here. Ebay listings fluctuate rapidly, and you never know when some obscure member will auction off the most awesomely retro holy grail of werewolf shirts, baseball caps, or whatever.
With that said and done, let’s move on to the goods!
Forget all those Spencer Gifts and TapOut shirts with pseudo-tough designs of tangled thorns, tribal tattoos, thunder, and wolves screaming and flipping out for no reason. Throughout my years of rocking the Adidas track jackets with boot-cut jeans, I’ve learned that simplicity is usually best. This werewolf shirt not only fits that criteria, but it also comes in a hoodie, a long-sleeve shirt, and even on a nifty messenger bag! I suggest ordering it half a size down; that way you can border on the sexy-beast emo thing without looking like you have a complex.
I’m no authority on women’s fashion, but I will say that this is practically the only shirt that would put me in the shoes of that ‘Jizzed in my Pants’ fellow if I saw a young lady wearing it (provided she wasn’t 300lbs or anything). Careful though — shirts like these are easy to wear wrong because the success of you manifesting your wolfy awesomeness is directly proportionate to your attitude. So the bottom line is that if you’re a 17 year-old female who gets moist whenever the weatherman says anything like “…in the mid to low 50’s by TWILIGHT tonight,” then I’d recommend passing on this shirt. However, if you’re a nanometer more mature than that, then you may be able to get away with sporting this baby on the train, at the mall, or on campus. For maximum style and aesthetic trail-blazing, I recommend pairing this up with one of those short-billed Fidel Castro caps you can get at The Gap.
Remember how I said that simplicity is usually best? Well, with this juxtaposed image of a werewolf with party balloons, that principle comes back into play with a sexy vengeance. It’s one thing to be a douche bag and wear shirt featuring a grinning wolf with a PARTY ANIMAL logo, but it’s quite another to rock something indirect and suggestive while bringing the lycanthropic factor to the forefront at the same time. I mean, the people who rock werewolf shirts are normally rolling dice and arguing over magic missiles, and the people who rock the Abercrombie shirts are normally out partying. This shirt bridges that seemingly unbridgeable gap. Few shirts wed nerdcore, beastly, and street-wise so well.
Sporting a good werewolf shirt is a delicate art. You can’t express your affiliation with all things lupine too strongly, otherwise people will avoid you at worst or roll their eyes at you at best. Therefore it’s often best to be retro and indirect when you’re preaching the lycanthropic gospel. This baby here can pass for a shirt that just about anyone would wear. Hey, on one level, it’s just a shirt with a werewolf on it as an advertising kicker. But therein lies its charm: the damn shirt is beastly-beautiful without it knowing that it’s beastly-beautiful, and the same can be true for you, its wearer. As usual, order half a size down and act nonchalant and a little surprised when people comment you on it.
This shirt not only obeys the simplicity rule, but it’s also Celtic and enigmatically beautiful as a misty nightfall on the dew-damp moors of some small British village I know nothing about. Like the Devil’s Breath Chile Company shirt, this baby is lycanthropicly indirect, although I’d recommend wearing it during your low-key moods or occasions. Few things are more literary and soul-stirring than a subtle Celtic art werewolf booking it across the plains with his corvine brethren behind him. Moreover, the people who comment you on this shirt will likely be the same people who are chilled and introspective enough to see shit like this. Rock this at study group or during late-night videogame sessions with friends as you sip an obscure wine or designer-beer.
I’m not sure what this old axiom (The voice of the people is the voice of God) has to do with this contemporary throwback videogame. Nevertheless, the game is awesome enough to feature here… in spite of the fact that the werewolves are the ones getting the beat-down.
“Vox Populi, Vox Dei” is part Metal Gear Solid and part Super Mario Bros. You play a bad-ass little 8-bit ninja sent to infiltrate a werewolf-guarded base and rescue a weeping naked child. So I guess you could say the game is part Michael Jackson as well.
Surprisingly addictive and fun. Begin your venture into Real Ultimate Power now!
Hi folks. Sorry for the silence over the past two weeks– my non-Werewolf-News workload got crazy and I didn’t have a contingency plan. I need to work on posting at a more regular pace so these droughts don’t occur anymore. I appreciate you coming back day after day! I have got a TON of stuff to post, some of it good, some of it bad, all of it werewolf-related. And before I post anything else, I need to give you my opinion on the recently-released book The Werewolf’s Guide to Life: buy it immediately. Like, right now. I haven’t laughed so hard or smiled so big while reading a book in a long, long time. Funny, scary, thoughtful and delightfully creative. I will be posting a more in-depth review in the next day or two, but yeah, in the meantime, let it be known– this is an excellent book that no werewolf fan should be without
Werewolf News reader Leon Kruse sent me a link to this music video for “She’s a Genius” by Jet, from their album Shaka Rock.
“In the interview that Video Hits had with Jet,” writes Leon, “they said that the werewolf in the video is meant to be a cross between teenwolf and chewbacca, and the original video idea came from a 60s bike safety video were all the people were wearing animal masks.” I’ve seen that bike safety video (“One Got Fat“) and I’ve seen Star Wars, and I don’t recall Chewbacca being as big an instigator as this leonine werewolf girl. That poor guy’s ice cream! Thanks for the link, Leon.
Thanks to HorrorMovies.ca, the details of Watchmen co-writer David Hayter‘s werewolf picture Slaughter Road have been revealed.
The film is the story of a 17 year old teen who wakes up one day to find his entire family slaughtered and flees only to find animals and people turning up dead left and right around him.
Either this boy has been taking Lunesta or he’s a werewolf. Given that the alternate (or perhaps sub-) title for Slaughter Road is The Werewolf Chronicles, I’m going to guess the latter. According to HorrorMovies.ca, the film starts shooting in Toronto this month, and stars Thomas Dekker as the beleaguered boy.