A Fair & Balanced “Red Riding Hood” Round-Up

It has been suggested that I am too quick to torch upcoming werewolf movies and television shows if they don’t fit my personal tastes. In response to this offensive and entirely true accusation, I offer this neutral, non-judgmental post.

Catherine Hardwicke’s teen-friendly re-imagining of Little Red Riding Hood opens in theaters tomorrow, and people on the Internet are talking about it! If you would like to talk about it too, here are some things you could bring up:

  • SeenOn.com is a private sale site (registering an account is free) that deals in Hollywood exclusives. They’re selling Valerie’s red riding cape, pendants from the film, a signed script and other Red Riding Hood merchandise.
  • If you like posters of girls running through snowy forests, or posters in general, you can win a copy of the Red Riding Hood poster from The Trades just by giving them your contact information.
  • Amanda Seyfried wore nude heels from Lanvin’s spring/summer 2011 collection to the premiere. (???)
  • The colours in the film are vividly supersaturated because this one time, Catherine Hardwicke went to Burning Man.
  • Gary Oldman can be very polite when confronted by fluff interview questions from Moviefone.
  • Reviews so far have been very decisive: the film is a hollow, bloodless, joyless grab for teen money.
  • Hollywood executives will soon stop green-lighting trash like this, not because some guy was snarky on his blog, but because clueless fad-hopping, glossy over-production and deceptive marketing tactics provide rapidly diminishing returns.

Okay, so I couldn’t keep that whole “neutrality” thing going for the whole post. I tried, though!