The Best Werewolf Shirts Out There: A Guide to Lycanthropic Fashion

Mike Roukas — Sep. 18th 2009

So you’ve got a thing for wolves and you’ve got some Zoolander in your blood. But do you feel like the loser you are when you succumb to buying the latest nerdcore Hot Topic Worgen shirt? Do you feel like you have KICK ME, I’M A FUR-FAG written on your forehead when you rock your shitty “Team Jacob” Twilight-themed pawprint shirt around the mall foodcourt or local combat-breakdancing arena? Fear not – Roukas is here to help with this quick guide to some of the most unique, eye-catching lupine apparel out there. My only caveat is that you should do your own ebay checking in addition to the shirts featured here. Ebay listings fluctuate rapidly, and you never know when some obscure member will auction off the most awesomely retro holy grail of werewolf shirts, baseball caps, or whatever.

With that said and done, let’s move on to the goods!

Yellow Full-moon Werewolf Logo shirt

Yellow Full-moon Werewolf LogoForget all those Spencer Gifts and TapOut shirts with pseudo-tough designs of tangled thorns, tribal tattoos, thunder, and wolves screaming and flipping out for no reason. Throughout my years of rocking the Adidas track jackets with boot-cut jeans, I’ve learned that simplicity is usually best. This werewolf shirt not only fits that criteria, but it also comes in a hoodie, a long-sleeve shirt, and even on a nifty messenger bag! I suggest ordering it half a size down; that way you can border on the sexy-beast emo thing without looking like you have a complex.

Pink ‘Werewolf Girl’ Shirt

Pink Werewolf Girl ShirtI’m no authority on women’s fashion, but I will say that this is practically the only shirt that would put me in the shoes of that ‘Jizzed in my Pants’ fellow if I saw a young lady wearing it (provided she wasn’t 300lbs or anything). Careful though — shirts like these are easy to wear wrong because the success of you manifesting your wolfy awesomeness is directly proportionate to your attitude. So the bottom line is that if you’re a 17 year-old female who gets moist whenever the weatherman says anything like “…in the mid to low 50’s by TWILIGHT tonight,” then I’d recommend passing on this shirt. However, if you’re a nanometer more mature than that, then you may be able to get away with sporting this baby on the train, at the mall, or on campus. For maximum style and aesthetic trail-blazing, I recommend pairing this up with one of those short-billed Fidel Castro caps you can get at The Gap.

ClipArt-Esque ‘Party Werewolf’ Shirt

The Party WerewolfRemember how I said that simplicity is usually best? Well, with this juxtaposed image of a werewolf with party balloons, that principle comes back into play with a sexy vengeance. It’s one thing to be a douche bag and wear shirt featuring a grinning wolf with a PARTY ANIMAL logo, but it’s quite another to rock something indirect and suggestive while bringing the lycanthropic factor to the forefront at the same time. I mean, the people who rock werewolf shirts are normally rolling dice and arguing over magic missiles, and the people who rock the Abercrombie shirts are normally out partying. This shirt bridges that seemingly unbridgeable gap. Few shirts wed nerdcore, beastly, and street-wise so well.

Devil’s Breath Chile Company Werewolf Shirt

Devil's Breath Werewolf ShirtSporting a good werewolf shirt is a delicate art. You can’t express your affiliation with all things lupine too strongly, otherwise people will avoid you at worst or roll their eyes at you at best. Therefore it’s often best to be retro and indirect when you’re preaching the lycanthropic gospel. This baby here can pass for a shirt that just about anyone would wear. Hey, on one level, it’s just a shirt with a werewolf on it as an advertising kicker. But therein lies its charm: the damn shirt is beastly-beautiful without it knowing that it’s beastly-beautiful, and the same can be true for you, its wearer. As usual, order half a size down and act nonchalant and a little surprised when people comment you on it.

Werewolf Running From Ravens Shirt

Werewolf Running from RavensThis shirt not only obeys the simplicity rule, but it’s also Celtic and enigmatically beautiful as a misty nightfall on the dew-damp moors of some small British village I know nothing about. Like the Devil’s Breath Chile Company shirt, this baby is lycanthropicly indirect, although I’d recommend wearing it during your low-key moods or occasions. Few things are more literary and soul-stirring than a subtle Celtic art werewolf booking it across the plains with his corvine brethren behind him. Moreover, the people who comment you on this shirt will likely be the same people who are chilled and introspective enough to see shit like this. Rock this at study group or during late-night videogame sessions with friends as you sip an obscure wine or designer-beer.

  • Mac

    I’m a werewolf girl, and no offense, but I wouldn’t be caught rocking a pink werewolf shirt anywhere. Bring on the bad-ass werewolf wear, we can take it.

  • Berserker

    I’m a big fan of the last shirt. It has a mystical pagan vibe without falling into the boring stereotypes of Native American New Age werewolfery. You can wear it without sacrificing “cool points.”

  • Dragoniakmp

    These are all pretty sweet, except for the Twitard-esque “werewolf girl” shirt.

  • Berserker

    The werewolf girl shirt isn’t goth, nor is it a Hot Topic poseur shirt, so it is exempt from the “Twitard” title. In fact it’s a unique shirt, and props to any girl who wears it.

  • Dragoniakmp

    It’s still pink, girly and nothing that a self-respecting “werewolf girl” would wear.

  • Mac

    I’m glad someone agrees with me on the pink shirt. Unless it’s an ironically pink werewolf shirt this is one chick who won’t be wearing it.

    In fact, I’m wearing a black Wolf Man shirt today. Too bad so few werewolf shirts are made with women in mind.

  • Mac, if you designed a werewolf shirt specifically for the female demographic, what would it look like?

  • Roukas

    Forget that Obama healthcare crap. This is an incisive debate that really cuts to the heart of important issues.

    I can see how the Werewolf Girl shirt could be considered too girly or perhaps “Twitard,” though I’ve never heard that designation before. I’ll admit that it doesn’t feature a dark Romanian moonset with an independent and fiercely progressive female wolf on it. However, remember keep in mind that that there are some younger werewolf girls out there who like the pink vibe and get more sunlight than usual. There are some other good werewolf shirts out there, but I included the Werewolf Girl one for some balance. :D

  • Dragoniakmp

    Oh, I get plenty of sunlight and I still don’t care for pink. I really don’t have anything against other girls wanting to wear something like this, it just strikes me as something a 40-year-old TwiMom would wear, much to her children’s resentment. Also, you could have mentioned that the yellow moon werewolf shirt came in junior’s/women’s sizes as well.

    i don’t know of any really young girls liking werewolves, but when I was a young lass i was fascinated with dinosaurs. Not the peaceful, vegetarian ones, but the raptors and the t-rexes. I don’t know if I would have worn a pink shirt with a T-rex on it or not, probably because there weren’t any.

  • Berserker

    It’s just a matter of target demographics. Honestly, the girls who browse *this* site probably wouldn’t like the shirt, would they? This is a predominantly male-oriented horror site; pink kitschy werewolves have a hard time fitting in. But if that shirt showed up in a local Target or Wal-Mart, I’m sure plenty of girls would buy it, Twilight fans or not, come Halloween.

  • Dragoniakmp

    I just love the assumption that if it’s not pink it must be male-oriented.

  • Mac

    Andrew, I would design something similar to the first shirt on the list (which apparently does come in female sizing). I’d also have designed something like one of the other shirts I own that has a werewolf howling against the moon and says “Don’t mind me, it’s just that time of the month”. The play on words cracks me up, but wouldn’t you know it, it only came in a men’s style tee. You’d think with a phrase like that you’d have seen it in a female cut.

    To be honest, there are VERY few werewolf shirts out there available in women’s sizing that don’t come off of a print-on-demand type site like Cafe Press. I was stunned to have found a Wolf Man shirt for ladies at Hot Topic a few years ago. Granted, there aren’t that many werewolf shirts to be found off the shelf in general, but when they do show up they’re in men’s sizing. Hell, I have a boy’s shirt from Target that I got last year with werewolf graphics. Of course all the girl’s Halloween shirts were cutesy with these dorky glitter pumpkins all over them.

  • Mac

    By the way, I just have to say I love that the people commenting on this blog are actually mature enough to told a debate topics without resorting to being the usual douchebags you see everywhere else on the Internet.

    You guys rock.

  • Dragoniakmp

    I dunno, sometimes I’m a douchebag. : \

  • That first shirt is badass! Do want! Also, I have seen that graphic before somewhere…

    The last shirt is awesome as well, in a surrealistic sort of way.