Just So We’re Clear

A. Quinton — Nov. 14th 2008

While on the prowl for werewolf news, I find that lately, every second article, post, photo or link has something to do with the Twilight phenomenon. With a film on the way and more to come, the deluge of tween-dreamy vampire pap is going to get a lot worse before it gets better, so I want to be upfront about a few things:

  1. There are no actual werewolves in the Twilight series.
  2. Werewolf-News.com will not be providing coverage of any Twilight-related news (see Point 1).
  3. Remus Lupin could kick Jacob Black’s ass with both hands tied behind his back.
  4. Vampires are not cool.

That is all.

  • Jessica

    *hugs you*

  • Damn right!

  • Aiko

    Werewolves pwn the vampires! there should be a ban on twilight Dx

  • Amen, brudda!!

  • KwipperTheBear

    I am not a werewolf myself, but a werebear. However being the werebear that I am, I to also despise vampires, and quite frankly I’d gladly find one in my paws so I can rip him in two. Then lay each piece out in my front yard as the sun rises, just so I can have myself a barbecue.

    I am sure my brethren will agree.

  • And making the vampires sparkle makes them exponentially more lame than they were before.

  • Roukas

    “And making the vampires sparkle makes them exponentially more lame than they were before.”

    If that’s even possible.

    The thing that baffles me about vampires is that their dashing romanticism is completely groundless. How in the world does sucking blood give you the power to fly, live forever, jump 40-foot distances, or stop a moving car with one hand? And how do those powers correlate with dressing like an aristocratic graduate student who can’t decide whether to go with Hugo Boss or Hot Topic? It just doesn’t make sense to me. The other night I made Richter Belmont throw like 50 boomerangs at Dracula’s head, and the guy STILL kept launching fireballs at me from his cape. Damn, people. At least werewolves aren’t too cool to hang out in the daylight here and there.

  • Roukas

    Wait, the Twilight vampires SPARKLE? What?! If your sanity can survive it, can you post some details as to the how and why of this?

  • To Roukas – I have no idea why they sparkle, I just know that they do. I’ve never read these bullshit books.

  • Aiko

    Roukas- yeah, vampires are just like normal people, only with fangs and they are uglier. What makes them so special as to be able to be super fast, and super strong and FLY? god. Us werewolves turn into beastly creatures. They shouldn’t be that powerful… sooo fake

  • My favourite author, F. Paul Wilson, agrees with you:

    Then came Anne Rice and her Byronic, soul searching, effete, aesthete vampires. Gag me. So in reaction I wrote the purposely retro “Midnight Mass.” I began with the assumption that all the vampire myths—the burning holy water, the lack of reflection, etc.—are real. Then I portrayed them as the scummy obligate parasites they are. I wasn’t surprised when it became one of my most reprinted stories. The novella has been adapted into a low-budget indie film by a young director named Tony Mandile.
    F. Paul Wilson